The Night Before the BreakUp
by TheWordyMom
Summary: A spin off the wildly popular "The Night Before Christmas" A tragic event throws Tony and Ziva into chaos as their lives are ripped apart and they are left to question their relationship. Just when it seems TIVA is doomed, Ziva is visited by a familiar, head-slapping spirit. But is it too late? And can love really conquer all?
1. Alone

Ziva slammed her laptop in frustration as she let out an exhausted sigh and rubbed her temples. It had been 4 long hours since the power went out due to the storm and she was stuck writing ALL her reports by hand, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, and manually making copies on the thousand-year-old copier down in storage. Ziva reached out and touched the long metal handle causing it to spring up and she remembered the first time she had to use the ancient machine. _Ziva, Tony, and McGee had been huddled around it, eyeing it curiously, when she reached out, only to be met with the handle springing up violently, scaring the life out of her. She smiled weakly. Tony had been rambling on about having a flashback to the fourth grade and McGee couldn't fathom how the machine could copy without a scanner. All the while Gibbs watched on, amused._

"Uggghh" She really hated getting side tracked.

Ziva turned the wheel on the machine until she saw the tiny line of square brackets. She took the sketch and gently put it against the brackets while pulling down a second lever, holding the sketch in place. After turning the wheel three hundred sixty degrees, a blue copy of the sketch popped out the back.

"Last one" She smiled as she pulled a sheet over the machine, putting it back in a prehistoric slumber. Ziva carefully juggled the stack of copies that she made and her laptop as she headed back upstairs.

"Ziva! Wow, here let me help you with that" Jimmy Palmer exclaimed as he came out of autopsy.

"No, I am fine. Really" Ziva tried to reassure him as she stuck her feet out, trying to feel the ground in front of her.

Palmer playfully smiled as he pushed his glasses with his index finger.

"Are you sure? It's really not a problem."

"Jimmy, I appreciate it, but I think I can handle carrying my work by myself. I AM a big girl," She teased.

"Fair enough. But let me at least get the door for you." He countered. Jimmy's long arm reached out and firmly grasped the handle of the door as he held his phone for Ziva, illuminating the dark hallway before her.

"Jimmy, could you please reach into my back pock?" Ziva started when she turned her head and saw a terrified Jimmy looking back at her.

"Why..." He asked,

Ziva rolled her eyes. "Palmer! Reach into my back pocket and grab my flashlight!" Ziva yelled in frustration. MEN, she thought to herself.

As if on cue, Jimmy's eyes grew wide as he realized that Ziva wanted him to grab her flash light, not her… well anything else… back there.

"Right, sorry" Jimmy reached into Ziva's back pocket and produced a small black flashlight and held it up, not sure why she wanted him to grab it when he was already using the flashlight app on his phone.

"Ok, now twist the back to turn it on then just stick it in my mouth." Ziva calmly explained as Jimmy, once again, looked on in horror.

"For heaven sake, I want you to stick the flashlight in my mouth so that I can see where I am going!" Ziva jumped down his throat. Why did men have to constantly have their minds in the gutter?

"Ziva, I can walk with you and use my flashlight. I'm sure that would be a big help and PLUS we can chit chat." Jimmy happily said.

Truthfully as much as Ziva liked the idea of having someone to talk to, she just couldn't bring herself to talk to anyone… especially anyone at NCIS. Her and Tony had been having so many problems at home and it was now starting to affect them at work. The best thing they could do for each other was to just stay out of the other's way. She racked her brain as she tried to remember what they were fighting about, today. Their lack of communication? No, that was yesterday. Not spending any time together, alone? Nope, that was last week.

"Jimmy, you are a sweet, sweet man, but I assure you that I can make it back to my desk in the dark in one piece. I AM a ninja, am I not?" She asked playfully and immediately regretted when she saw the look of disappointment spread on Jimmy's face. She hated herself for it, but it was just the way she was. She would rather be alone than with company. She'd rather work than play. Ziva didn't know how else to be.

Jimmy slowly twisted the back of the flashlight and offered it to Ziva, who opened her mouth slowly, as he stuck the butt of the flashlight, gently, in her mouth.

"Good night Ziva" Jimmy said through a forced smile.

"Good night" Ziva replied trying not to drop the flashlight from her mouth.

As Ziva reached her desk, she saw Tony's desk cleared and snorted disapprovingly. "He didn't wait" she thought to herself, but secretly she was comforted by the fact that she could drive home in silence, ALONE. Setting the stack of papers and her laptop down, Ziva grabbed her bag, jacket, and hat as she headed towards the parking garage, but she stopped at Gibb's desk and ran her finger along the smooth, dusty surface.

"Good Night" She said under her breath.

The long drive home was filled with memories of better and happier times. She thought about how they were inseparable in the beginning of it all. They spent every waking moment together… and still it wasn't enough. After long cases at the office, they ALWAYS met up for beer and movies and Tony spent most of the night, enthusiastically, introducing black and white classics to Ziva that, according to him, were VITAL to American culture. Then when their eyelids became heavy, they made a fresh pot of coffee and spent the remainder of the night talking about "The Good Ole Days", as Tony referred to them. Most nights ended with the pair throwing themselves on the bed in a fit of laughter and secretly whispering sweet nothings when they thought the other was sleeping.

She'd never admitted it before, but they were in an impenetrable bubble and a constant state of Euphoria. "How did we get here?" She thought to herself. "How did they get to lonely car drives home and silent movies and dinners?" Ziva sighed, frustrated and too tired to think about it any further. Tonight would just have to be a repeat of other nights for them. She didn't have any energy left to argue with Tony today so she would just have to eat in silence and then go to bed.

Ziva pulled her car into the driveway and was surprised when Tony's car was nowhere in sight. "He must have finally left" She thought to herself as she opened the door to their loft and was met with an empty silence that never suited the, once happy, home. Ziva slowly explored each room, vigorously. "Where could he have gone?" She thought. Ziva's mind didn't dwell on her missing partner long before she realized that they couldn't argue and fight if he wasn't home. Ziva quickly ate, showered, climbed into bed, and grabbed a book when she heard the front door open. Her heart sank as she tried to prepare herself.


	2. Chapter 2 The End

The door handle jiggled as he tiptoed in and quietly closed the door. One look around and Tony knew that Ziva had already gone to bed, but in the corner of his eye he saw something small on the coffee table. Trying to remain quiet, Tony reached down to remove his shoes when his phone dropped from his pocket. Tony winced and silently cursed at himself, hoping that it hadn't woken Ziva up.

He tiptoed to the coffee table and picked up the small book. Walking over to the window, he held the book up so that the light outside illuminated the cover. It wasn't a book he thought Ziva would read, but nowadays he didn't really know much about Ziva anymore. On the front cover was a woman, whose long brown hair was swept up in a ponytail, wore a simple white dress that hung off her shoulders. Holding her in his arms, was a man who had sandy brown hair and a stripe buttoned shirt with the top two buttons undone. Their foreheads were touching and the woman was looking down as the man stared lovingly in her direction. Although neither one was looking at the other, their love was as evident as the sun in the sky. Immediately Tony felt a pit in his stomach as he recognized his own desire to embrace Ziva. He just wanted to touch her. Even more, he wanted her to touch him. He wanted her to want him. No, he needed it. He looked at the couple on the cover who were nose-to-nose and overcome with love. _Surely such a state of happiness is a myth_. He thought to himself. _Who would believe this insanity was real?!_

And as quickly as he thought it, Tony remembered the first date he and Ziva went on. It'd taken him an hour just to work up the nerve to get ready and leave his apartment.

 _ **-Flashback-**_

Tony eagerly undressed and practically jumped in the shower. Tonight was the night! Finally, he'd work up the courage to ask Ziva on a date and what was more impressive was the fact that she said yes. As he turned on the water, he couldn't help but feel his stomach doing flips and felt the urge to vomit. Why was he so nervous? It wasn't like he'd never been alone with her or talked to her before. It was different this time. They wouldn't be talking about work. Tony felt the need to impress her so he did what any man would do…. He resorted to role-playing… out loud… with himself.

"Hey Zee-vah… you look… amazing" He laughed nervously as he smacked himself in the back of the head.

Tony rubbed his eyes in frustration.

"How do you tell someone that they look PERFECT without sounding like a creepy perv?!" He yelled to himself.

"Ok." He breathed as he shook out his arms and head, much like athletes and performers do to warm up.

"OK. OK. OK. OK. OK. You're overthinking this Dinozzo. It's Ziva. You're comfortable with Ziva. Just doooooooooo what comes naturally" he elongated.

"Hey Ziva, you look…" He paused and smiled as he thought of the countless times he walked into the bullpen and was greeted by his beautiful partner. His favorite times were when Ziva wasn't even aware that he'd stopped by her desk and was hard at work. Her smooth, olive skin, warm hazel eyes, and naturally, curly hair drawn and clipped to one side were the embodiment of perfection.

"-great" He finished.

Tony drew in a deep breath as he washed the last of the soap from his hair and turned the water off. Quickly drying and wrapping the towel around his waist, Tony walked over to the mirror and lifted his arm to wipe away the steam. Wiping away one clean line on the mirror, Tony was exposed to his jawline which was being overtaken by a wave of thick, dark hairs whose very existence must have been to ruin his love life!

"Not today" He whispered playfully.

Tony picked up his can of shaving cream and lathered it on his face and with careful smooth strokes he, sadly, began to shave his _bro-stache_. After tackling his face fur, Tony walked over to his closet and stood in the door way eying his clothes. Tonight was a special occasion, but he didn't want to go too dressed. That would DEFINITELY send out the signal that he was trying WAY too hard even though deep down that was probably closer to the truth then he would like to admit. However, on the other hand he didn't want to go too casual because it could land him in the _"Friend-Zone"_ He shuttered as the words entered his mind.

"I'll just have to find something kinda dressy yet casual-ish. What the hell would that even look like?"

After raiding his closet for the next 15 minutes, Tony settled on a pair of dark jeans with a long sleeve navy blue shirt, which he casually drew up his forearm. Staring in the mirror, Tony poked and prodded at his pants and shirt in hopes of finding what his outfit was missing, but soon after gave up. After applying some finishing touches to his hair and putting on his favorite gold watch, Tony was finally ready.

He reached up and pounded on the door to her apartment… feeling a bit of Deja-vu… like he had done this before… perhaps when he had been drinking… Tony's heart began to race as if there was someone beating it like they were drums and his heartbeat was the sweet rhythm to his favorite song. A song about a girl with curly hair that could stop traffic with a single look…. And probably kill you 8 different ways with a single paper clip. As Tony heard Ziva unlocking the door, he tried to envision what she would be wearing and how beautiful she would be and as the door flew open Tony was greeted by Ziva in her favorite loose fitted cargo pants and a black tank. This was what she normally wore on a casual day at work or to run errands on the weekends.

Alarms started to go off in Tony's mind as he started to think of all the different reasons that she wouldn't be dressed for a date, but he finally bit the bullet the only way he knew how… humorously.

"I know I said casual, but I don't think flip flops would be appropriate for the night I have planned for you, Zee-vah." He said as he offered his best DiNozzo smile.

Ziva turned around and smiled, but something in her eyes made his stomach drop. She looked sad. Of course, she would try to put on a smile, but he knew better than that. Ziva continued to walk past him into her kitchen when Tony turned to follow her. As he entered the kitchen he saw a half empty bottle of Moscato and an empty wine glass.

"Got the party started without me huh?" He joked. This was not going the way he'd thought it would at all.

Ziva poured some wine into her glass as she walked over to the freezer and pulled out a frozen pizza.

"I know you planned this wonderful evening with the food, drinks, the moon, stars, and knowing you, probably some music and air guitar (depending on how drunk we are), but I was just hoping that we could stay in. I'm just not feeling all that great…" Ziva eyed the floor as she trailed off.

Tony stared at Ziva and saw, once again, the sadness in her eyes and wanted nothing more than to hold her. What could possibly have HIS ninja so effected? Surely it wasn't him. He took 3 long strides and was next to her in a second. He gently took the pizza from her hand as he tried to lift her spirits.

"You know out of all the brands, this is my ALL-TIME favorite. AND you got the double top which means it has DOUBLE the pepperoni. You know I gotta have my meat!" He said with a grin.

Ziva lifted her head and smiled weakly at Tony, who handed her the glass of wine. She took it from him and disappeared behind the refrigerator and produced 2 bottles of Michelob Ultra. Tony smiled at her and happily opened the beer as the two laughed as they waited for the oven to finish preheating so they could cook their gourmet dinner.

Tony had to admit, the pizza was delicious. He would have to thank Ziva for bailing on going out and feeding him this delicious morsel instead. And having had the chance to talk with her, he was convinced more than ever that he was already falling for his ass-kicking ninja. He loved that he could talk to her about virtually anything and they could turn pizza and a cold beer at home into a date. He loved that he didn't have to try to be someone he wasn't. With Ziva he could be himself.

Tony got up from the table and headed towards the kitchen to get another beer when he noticed a certain Mossad officer opening a tub of whipped cream. Tony raised his eyebrow as he gave Ziva a playful look. She nudged him with her side and laughed it off as she grabbed a pie pan from the freezer.

"It's for the PIE" she told him, giggling.

Tony watched her spread the whipped cream and studied how tightly she held the spatula and the way her hair bounced off her shoulders to the movement. Every so often she bit her lip in concentration and drew her lips together. He squinted his eyes and calmed himself. _I need a distraction._ He thought.

"Hey Zi" He started

"Mmm" She answered

"You know you can tell me anything right?" He asked

"Of course," She answered, continuing to spread whipped cream on the pie

"So what's the real reason that you didn't want to go out tonight?"

Before Ziva could answer, Tony continued.

"I know you said that you didn't feel that well, but I passed by your room earlier and I saw all the clothes that were thrown on your bed… probably ones that you tried on for the date right? I gotta say… you're kind of a slob." He joked. Tony offered a smile to Ziva, who had stopped creaming the pie.

Turning his body to face her, he took his index finger and gently rubbed her hand. Ziva looked up to see Tony, concern etched in his face. Tony took a deep breath as he braved on.

"What is it Zi?"

Ziva opened and closed her mouth several times trying to find the right combination of words that would best describe how she was feeling.

"I don't have the best date record-" she started

"Track record" Tony corrected her

"What?" Ziva asked confused

"You don't have the best track record." Tony said, instantly regretting it and wishing that he could have just kept his mouth shut and not corrected her for once. Tony motioned for Ziva to continue with his hands, hoping he hadn't spoiled his chance to find out what was really going on with her. Ziva blinked hard as she tried to remember the point she was trying to make.

"I don't have the best TRACK record." She emphasized, causing Tony to wince.

"You know with Ray and Michael… things ended badly. I'm sure you know that because you were there for all that, but it's different because it's you now. And….. do you remember Sanders?" She asked

 _Sanders? Lt. Roy Sanders? The guy from the navy that was killed from Thallium poisoning? What could he have to do with them?_

"Tony, what I am trying to say is… I have not had the best experiences and it has led me to have even worse outcomes. Ray is gone, Michael is dead… not from anything that I did; from you actually, but THAT'S beside the point." She rambled.

If Ziva was rambling, it must be bad. Really bad.

"Roy was a beautiful soul and now he, too, is gone."

"Ziva, are you trying to tell me that you've got some weird superstitious thing and you think I am going to physically DIE if we are dating?"

"I am saying that there is no such thing as coincidences. That… it all started good, but I just don't know if I want to risk that with you."

"Risk what?" He asked, fear crippling his voice

"Tony, what if it's me?! What if I'm the problem in my relationships? What if WE don't work out… it was hard enough to lose people before, but I just can't begin to think about not having your friendship or as my partner. What if this goes horribly wrong and I end up… alone… again.?"

Tony stared at Ziva in disbelief. He'd surely never seen this side of Ziva, but was grateful that she already had so much trust in him to confide her true feelings. Had anyone seen this side to Ziva before? Everyone knew that she was a force that wasn't to be messed with, but it was a truly rare occasion to see her vulnerable.

"Ziva, I would never let that happen. You and I are partners."

"But what if-" Ziva interrupted.

"What if this _thing_ turns out to be the best thing that's ever happened to either of us? And if you walk away, you'll always wonder _what if_. I'm not willing to risk it; are you?" He asked calmly.

Ziva stared into Tony's eyes and realized that this was not the same Tony she first met. He had grown so much right under her nose and she hadn't noticed. His jokes were the same, he looked the same, but he was wiser and knew what he wanted. Ziva watched as Tony took a step forward and leaned towards her. She held his gaze until he was inches away from her face.

"What if I kiss you right now because it's all I've been thinking about since you opened your door?" He asked, his voice dangerously low

Ziva smiled and reached up to stroke his face. Her finger traced his jaw. He felt each stroke of her finger below his belt and felt weak at his knees. He moved his hands and grabbed her hips pushing her forward. His fingers intertwined with her curly locks as he delicately held her face. With her face in his hands, Tony rubbed her cheeks with his thumb, leaned forward and kissed her softly. Ziva held onto Tony's arm fearing that if she let go she might just fall off the cloud she was on. Moving his left hand from her face, he slowly drew near to her, his eyes never leaving hers. She closed her eyes preparing to, once again, touch his lips when she felt something cold on her nose. She opened her eyes and Tony had playfully dabbed whipped cream on her nose. Stunned Ziva stood there before erupting in laughter and, grabbing a hand full of whip cream, she chased Tony around the apartment. Exhausted they sat on the floor against her couch, their fingers intertwined as he held up the back of her hand and kissed it.

 _ **-End Flashback-**_

Yes, it was true. Happiness was real because they had once been happy and in love. Now, it seemed, they were in a constant state of limbo, lingering between lost and broken. Tony scoffed and tossed the book on the couch when he noticed a pot on the stove. Walking over to it, he could feel the heat emanating from the pot. _Ziva always makes a cup of tea to wine down after a hard day. If this pot was still hot, then that means it's fresh. She must still be awake._ He thought to himself. Tony started for the room and felt his heart pounding in his ear as his stomach dropped. Would she really rather _pretend_ to be asleep then to face him? Is this what it had come down to? Had she been right to believe that their relationship was doomed? Had he been stupid to believe that there could be any other outcome than devastation?

Tony opened the door to the room and saw Ziva turned towards the wall. She looked so peaceful, but Tony knew she wasn't asleep. No matter how much she denied it, Ziva snored… almost as loudly as he did. Tony sighed in defeat and gently sat on the bed.

"Is this what it's come to Zi?

Ziva opened her eyes. Of course Tony knew she wasn't asleep. He knew her better than she knew herself .

"What are you talking about Tony?"

"We see each other at work and act like we're not there. We don't talk. We don't laugh. We don't…. love."

"What do you want me to say Tony?"

"That's the thing… I don't want you to say something just because you think I want you to say it. I just want you to say SOMETHING. ANYTHING. Let me in so I know what's going on in your mind. GOD! Ever since G-"

"Don't you dare!"

"What?! Don't dare to what? Say his name? GIBBS! LEROY JETHRO GIBBSS!"

"He was important to me too… Ziva… I loved him too"

"You know how I feel about hi- "

"NO! NO I DON'T BECAUSE YOU WONT TALK TO ME"

"AND SAY WHAT?! HMM?! HOW I WAS HAPPY TO COME HOME TO AN EMPTY HOUSE? HOW I WOULD RATHER DRIVE HOME ALONE… IN PEACE THEN HAVE TO JUSTIFY EVERY FEELLING, EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY? HOW MOST DAYS I WISH I WAS WITH THEM!-"

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO EVER SAY THAT!"

"It's true" She said quietly.

Ziva's head dropped in defeat. How much longer would they have the same argument over the same thing with the same outcome. This was the same book… just a different chapter.

Tony moved closer to Ziva, his heart crying for her. He reached out to her, despair clinging to his soul.

"Ziva, we can get thru- "

Ziva pushed him away furiously

"WHY WONT YOU LET ME HELP YOU?!"

"I DO NOT NEED YOUR HELP! YOU WANT ME TO TALK? FINE! YOU KNOW WHO NEEDED YOUR HELP?! GIBBS, MCGEE, DUCKY & ABBY NEEDED IT, BUT INSTEAD OF BEING WITH THEM, WHERE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE, YOU WERE- "

"Buying your ring" Tony whispered, tears filling his eyes.

"Even though I have told you time and time again that I have no desire to be married! Why couldn't you have just listened? Why couldn't you have just-"

"Been with them? Is that what you want? You think I should be dead with them? You don't know how many times I have told myself that I deserve death. I deserve to be punished for letting EVERYONE down. ITS MY FAULT THAT THEY'RE GONE! AND YET HERE I AM, ALIVE AND MISERABLE! LIVING OUT THE REMAINDER OF MY LIFE PAYING FOR A MISTAKE THAT WILL HAUNT ME FOREVER! But you're never going to forgive me for it, are you?"

' .Forgiveness." Ziva declared through clenched teeth.

Tony's breath caught in his throat as mental images of Ziva laughing, smiling, and loving him burned. She was not, and might not ever be, the person that fell in love him. They had passed the point of no return… finally.

"Then why am I here?" He hopelessly asked

"Maybe you shouldn't be…" She breathed.


End file.
